If I Can't Have You
by maximushyrule
Summary: link is madly in love with zelda but she's in love with two others. can the power of love beat all?
1. Pink Hostess Things

"Zelda, I love you." Link said.

"Link, I love you too but there's another." Zelda replied.

Link was outraged by this news and shouted, "What! Who is it? I'll kill them!"

"It's two of them actually. I love Kirby and Jigglypuff and were going to be together."

_And so it began. Link's quest for vengeance on the puffballs had started._

Link was in smash mansion looking for his main squeeze ,Zelda, when he happened to go by the kitchen and find his archenemy Kirby eating. This time it happened to be those little gay pink hostess things with the pink stuff that looks like sugar on them.

The hero snuck up behind him and grabbed him. Kirby was surprised by this. And he nearly dropped his food but he sucked it up in time.

"You little ball of fluff! What have you done to make Zelda fall helplessly in love with you?" Link asked.

Kirby answered with the usual 'boio' and made a sweet face that broke Link's heart. He released him and took out his sword.

"Prepare for battle!" Link told him. "If I can't have Zelda than no one can!"

Kirby sucked up Link and gained his bow. Link rushed Kirby into a nearby wall and started to hack and slash wildly, but the puffball was just to small. He slipped through one of Link's attacks and hit him with an arrow. The hero gasped and turned around. He took off in the other direction.

Kirby thought that he had won so he removed Link's powers and said his usual phrase 'bye!'. at about this time, Roy and Marth walked in. they were hungry but they greeted Kirby. And provided just the distraction that Link needed.

As Kirby chatted with the swordsmen, Link had climbed to the ceiling and was preparing his sword plant attack. Link jumped the highest he ever had and planted his sword in the center of the puffball's body.

Candy and those gay pink things spilled out all over the place. And Link was victorious. Marth and roy who were standing nearby saw the whole thing and said, "Damn!"

Link walked out of the kitchen. "If I can't have you no one can!" he shouted into the hall.

**If you want to see the demise of jigglypuff I reomend that you review. … PLEASE REVIEW!**


	2. Demise of Jigglypuff

**This one is for: jimmy ( )**

Still Desperate to find his main squeeze Zelda, Link charged down the halls of Smash Mansion. He knew were his next foe was. It was in the adventure mode promoting it's new c.d. 'The Greatest Hits of Jiggly: vol. 1' .

Link rushed in only to find jigglypuff near the end of the first Mario stage signing copies for the thirty Yoshis.

"jigglypuff! How dare you steal my main squeeze, Zelda, away from me! What have you done to posses her?" Link shouted.

Jigglypuff made that pissed off face and said, "jiggly! Jigglypuff: which probably meant something like, "you damn jocks suck!"

Once again the brave hero said . "Prepare for battle!" and unsheathed his sword.

When Jigglypuff was done signing albums, he waddled over to Link and decided to face him.

Jigglypuff took a big breath of air and started to sing his most famous song ever 'Jigglypuff jiggly Jigglypuff' the hero was prepared for the singing.

"I knew you were gonna try this but as you know all of that crappy ocarina playing has left me tone-deaf! You have no choice but to surrender!" Our dashing hero told him.

Jigglypuff made that pissed off face again and used his short arms to use the pound attack against Link. The blow glanced off and roy was entering their section of the stage. Link stabbed Jigglypuff and said., "you're not so tough without your Pikachu and pichu groupies are you now?"

Roy once again stared on and said "damn!" as Link walked out of the stage.

Link decided to relax from his search so he went the training room. As he was about to go, he saw Ganondorf and Mewtwo. mew two picked up Zelda and teleported them away.

_Our hero then realized that he could not rest and that_, "If I can't have you, no one can!"


	3. romeo's must die

**This is the last chapter of 'If I Can't Have You'. thank you to all of my reviewers: Inspector Marth, Psie, and jimmy**

Link furiously ran out of the training room and headed for the event matches. He went through all of the matches until he found a new one. It was titled 'Z For One Z For All'. Ganondorf and Mewtwo had created a new stage.

Link chose to enter it. As soon as he started the match, Mewtwo came at Link with a fully charged blast of energy. Link dodged it and mewtwo tried to use his mind abilities on Link.

"the only mind abilities that love requires is that of the heart!" Link yelled and chucked a bomb at Mewtwo. He was sent flying from the stage never to be seen again.

Link spotted Ganondorf and Zelda. She was behind him and didn't seem to notice link. Link took advantage of Ganondorf's negligence and attacked him with arrows. When he did turn around, Link had a smash waiting to send him soaring from the level.

Link ran to Zelda. "Zelda! I killed Kirby. And I killed Jigglypuff. And I killed Ganondorf and Mewtwo! And I'll keep killing people who get in the way of us. Because if I can't have you, then no one can!" Link told her.

Surprisingly, Zelda smiled and said, " You did all that for me? … wow, you really do love me and I love you more than anyone." with that she hugged him.

_Link and Zelda went on to smash in many more games, and after SSB:Brawl, they got hitched and Link continued to kill or at least rough up any guy (mostly Marth) that looked at Zelda. _

_And as for Roy, after Link and Zelda were finished hugging, he was at the other side of the stage going, "damn!"_


End file.
